This morning Israel Folau was announced as the very first running candidate for Hannah and Brian Tamaki’s Coalition party.
Brian reached out to Israel weeks ago, offering him a chance at employment as long as he didn’t fuck it up like last time. All he had to do was keep his mouth closed and his Instagram account in check.
“It will be a great honour to serve those that only like to serve very few” Folau read from a pre-prepared speech whilst Brian nodded slowly at the back of the room.
“I can’t wait to help change the New Zealand landscape so we can all enjoy what this beautiful country has to offer”, Brian continued to nod in appreciation.
“But all sinners are going to hell ya’ll. If you sink piss or say swear words or have sex with the same sex it’s later bro for you’se! See you down south mother fucker’s, god don’t want chu”. Brian shook his head and quickly escaped the room via the fire exit.
Israel then threw the speech on the ground, pulled out a Gideons Bible from his left side pocket and began to read as everyone quickly exited the room. Brian was last seen asking for donations from the media pack to fund Destiny’s church’s new Webber BBQ.