James Spithill Arrested At America’s Cup Parade

Oracle Corporation captain James Spithill was arrested yesterday after being a public nuisance at yesterday’s Americas Cup Parade.

The losing captain reportedly started his day at QF Tavern in the city where he began drinking multiple bottles on Pepe Lopez and playing on the Pokies. Burt a frequent problem gambler and alcoholic told Thai Castle about the ordeal “Yeah I just nipped into QF to have a couple jugs and a cheeky gamble when that ginger fella came in. He was fucking annoying. Kept tapping me on the shoulder asking if I knew who he was. I kept saying no and he would keep saying I’m ‘Jimmy Spit (then he would spit) Hilllll!!! I didn’t mind at first but when he spat at everyone in the bar we simply had to throw him out.

Spithill reportedly followed the parade in its entirety attempting to heckle Team NZ as they drove past. Nearby onlookers had this to say “Yeah that little ginger guy kept trying to roast Team NZ as they walked past. His heckle game was weak though kept saying shit like “Team New Zealand more like Team Old Semen!” – I really felt for the guy”

The day culminated with Spithill gate crashing the Team NZ’s after party. Spithill grabbed the mic repeatedly asking to see the Americas Cup as he had something he wanted to tell it. As security took him out party guests could hear Spithill screaming “Please don’t try me out I don’t want to go back to Oracle they make me do things, weird rich people things”

Team Emirates were unable to comment

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