Warriors to immediately replace halftime ritual of drinking Kava – after loss to Panthers

Record capitulation against Penrith put down to ‘being f**ked up’ Fresh off the biggest capitulation in rugby league history, the Warriors have revealed that the team spent halftime having a kava session, which explains the lacklustre second half.

Thai Castle understands that the team were so confident of their 28-6 halftime lead over the Panthers that they busted out the kava bowl, causing the majority of the team to fall asleep. Coach Stephen Kearney told us “I’m not gonna lie, it’s a fuckin’ bad look. But usually we’re getting beaten at halftime, so we need the kava to make us feel better.

The boys just figured what’s the harm in giving it a go when we were winning. But then they all just fell asleep on the changing room floor, the cunts.” It was also revealed that Palagi players Ryan Hoffman, Blake Ayshford and Simon Mannering were hit hardest by the hallucinogenic effects of the drug.

To remedy the situation, Kearney has immeadiately called a halt to all halftime kava and has replaced it with former All Black Justin Marshall’s new energy drink Boomfa. Marshall has guaranteed results, however questions have been raised over the legality of some of Boomfa’s active ingredients. When asked about this controversy, Marshall simply replied “Fuck off”.

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