In a shock move, new Warriors signing Kieran Foran has announced he will be leaving the club as soon as the halftime siren has gone in their ANZAC Day clash against the Storm in Melbourne.
Thai Castle understands that the five eighth will then sign his new deal with the Bulldogs on the way to the changing rooms, and then leave the club.
“Mate, I’d sort of planned this all along. All I needed was a couple of good runs for these chumps and then sign a big money deal with someone good. I had a bet with some dodgy guys in Sydney that I could get the fuck outta there within a few weeks. Looks like I’m on a roll again!” he told us while rubbing his thumb and forefingers together in front of his face.
Foran’s move confirmed what many had already thought about the star playmaker’s intentions for his short term Warriors contract, although Warriors management are said to be shocked. “Kieran told me he’d be staying for good the last time we went and hit it large on the roulette table at Sky City” said coach Stephen Kearney.
“Come to think of it, he lost about $70K that night, so maybe he does need the money.” Meanwhile, Warriors CEO Jim Doyle is said to be “fucked off”, but is already on the hunt for a new number 6. “I’ve already approached Jeff Robson to come back, he was a crowd favourite here at Mt Smart.
Also we’re in talks with Stacey Jones to go on a diet and come out of retirement (again). Failing that, our back up plan is to start a rumour about signing Beauden Barrett so it will distract everyone from us losing all the time.”