Whangarei To Host Rugby Sevens In 2018

The Wellington Sevens have been moved to Whangarei in 2018. The event has been shopped around to various cities and towns around the country, all of which had declined wanting to host the event.

Event organiser, Steve Walters, told Thai Castle, “I knew we were in trouble when Dargaville turned us down. I mean those little fuckers didn’t even have a stadium. It was not until late this morning that Whangarei came through and sent us a offer”.

The offer from the Whangarei Village Council was half a pack of ciggys, two dreads from Renee Ranger, one blanket, a musket, and an expired Planet 9 voucher. The offer also stated “We also request that we can sell cheap az [sic] piss at the event and that weed will be allowed for patrons at Toll Stadium for the duration of next years Sevens”

Other additions to next years Sevens include:

  • The Halfway Hotbox – a tent will be erected on the halfway line where people can take sweet bong hits. When asked would that disrupt the games the organisers said either they can rack off or get amongst.
  • BYO alcohol
  • Paintball guns to be given to all patrons with prizes given to fans who manage to hit Australian players during the game.

Steve Walters has accepted the terms laid out by the Whangarei council calling them “very innovative”

The people of Whangarei are reportedly “stoked as” after the cities bid for the 2024 Olympics was unsuccessful.

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