BREAKING: Blues Forfeit Tonight’s Game After Starting On The Guinness At 9:30am

Tana Umaga, coach of the Blues, has hosted a press conference to announce the team are “sloshed” and won’t be appearing tonight at AMI Stadium for their game against the Crusaders.

“The boys got on the piss around 9:30am thinking that they’d need some luck of the Irish tonight, and unfortunately have ended up drinking a keg of Guinness between them” he told Thai Castle.

“It’s St Paddy’s Day, and like the rest of New Zealand, out Irish heritage becomes really important on 17 March. Prattley is dressed like a leprechaun, and Ranger is smoking some four leaf clovers”

“Brooo, I … what, woah whoops”, George Moala told us, while urinating on his own shoes. “We realised we were fucked tonight, so thought, why not get fucked up early”

It is understood that Dan Carter was here early on, but drove home after “just a few”. 

The Crusaders are considering playing a sevens match among themselves, for the Crusaders fans who have already purchased tickets. Both of the Blues supporters will receive refunds.

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