In our first Thai Castle Super Rugby preview we look at how you can make a lot of money from the Auckland Blues in the 2017 season.
- Each week go to the TAB and beat against them. The Blues’ biggest strength heading into 2017 is their ability to lose games. Be aware of this and put your money down accordingly. This is a sure fire way of getting that loot on the reg.
- Ask Sonny-Bill Williams for a loan. We all know Lord Sonny-Bill himself just racks on that moolah. So if you’re short on cash; ask him for a loan. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org – ask him g.
- Sell all your Blues merchandise – These days you can get lots of dollars selling Blues gear on TradeMe. Our mate Nathaniel sold his jersey, flag, hat, and a packet of signed topless photo of Carlos spencer for $7.53 – That is enough to buy a chicken Grabba meal at BK and half a Powerade. This shit works fam.
- Go to the games – Heading into 2017 the Blues have decided to draw bigger crowds to home games through reverse tickets to home games. This means they pay you to come to the games. So if you go to all their home games you could make a cheeky $500 for the season. Keep in mind this is the hardest method as it actually requires you to watch the Blues.
- Tell people you’re a Blues fan and busk on the street – Sit on the side of the road and hold up a sign saying “I’m a Blues fan” – people will feel so bad for you they will shower you with cash. Make sure to have a mobile Eftpos machine handy to scrape in those peeps who say “yhey don’t carry cash”. Congrats, you’re now a businessman.
- Play for the Blues The Blues are always on the look out for new talent – so you might as well just play for them. To get selected tell their coaching staff any of the following – you, “play first five, used to play in the NRL, know Sonny-Bill Williams, or have a mild interest in rugby”. Next thing you know they will be handing you a contract and Bic pen and demanding that you take their money.
- Challenge Tana Umaga to a game of Tiddlywinks. While Tana excels at nearly everything his weakness competitively is tiddlywinks. In 2009, Tana told Thai Castle “that test I told the ref we are not playing tiddlywinks was the worst. After the match all the boys began challenging me and I kept losing”. Nuff saidz Challenge Tana and win big my friend.
- Steal Blue Beards’ Ship – What a lot of people don’t know is that Blue Beards ship is worth heaps. It is the first ship that can sail on grass. Rumour has it the ship is parked behind the McDonalds in Glen Innes. Once acquired, sell it on Alibaba to some Chinese mercenaries and you’ll be able to put a sweet deposit on a house in Hamilton.
So there you have it; 10 ways the Blues will make you loads of money this season. Apply all these methods and you will be stacking racks as up as the East stand at Eden Park. We believe in you g!
Written by: Clive McHumble – Thai Castle’s Best Financial Consultant