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Lonergan blames Warriors for Nines, housing crisis, erectile disfunction

Outspoken Duco boss Dean Lonergan has today lashed out at the Warriors, claiming that they are responsible for the failure of the recent NRL Nines. However, he didn’t stop there – also claiming the under-performing club for the current housing crisis and his inability to achieve an erection, among other things.
“It’s all the bloody Warriors” Lonergan told Thai Castle in an exclusive interview today. “First they can’t even make the playoffs, then they send out a shit team for the Nines. It’s so stressful it’s caused me no end of grief.”
Lonergan made the extraordinary claim that the Warriors’ woes are directly linked to rising house prices, the current American political turmoil, rising youth suicide rates and the Syrian Refugee Crisis.
“If you look at their results, the evidence is all there. It’s stressed me out so much I can’t even get it up anymore, how fucked is that?!’
When approached for comment, the Warriors acknowledged their poor form but offered Lonergan one piece of advice if he was going to move the Nines offshore: “Can you please take the Mad Butcher with you.”
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