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Shane Warne lists 10 ideas to “Bring Back the Party” to the Sevens

In 2017, a man with a mission came to the NZ Rugby with a plan to save the Wellington Sevens. The King of Spin, and Partyboy fanatic has been employed by the NZ Rugby to help save the Wellington Sevens from impending doom and help relive the glory days.

Shane told Thai Castle, “I have connections with some of the biggest party people on the planet. I’ve been to parties all around the world and I know what it takes to get one started.

We may have to bounce some families at the gate as this will no longer be a family friendly event. In fact, if you have a shred of religion in you, I probably wouldn’t bother coming. A weekend of sin is sometimes just what the doctor ordered so here is my best effort with ideas to make this event what it used to be”

Wellington Mayor Justin Lester had this to say, “It’s the last roll of the dice for us, we have shot ourselves in the foot with regulation.

Shane has attended a few meetings with us recently for the Sevens thinktanks and, while he was hungover, and yes he smoked inside and, and there was a female waiting outside with a sex toy, all in all we are confident he has brought enough to the table to turn this thing around”.

Shane Warne’s 10 non-negotiables to bring the punters back to the Wellington sevens

1.Pokie Machines on the concourse
2.None of this Wellington Craft beer shit, Lion Red and VB only.
3.Hire a better PR team so a better Spin can be put on the tournament
4.Cigarette dispensers in every aisle
5.Dress up as your favourite ODI cricketer from a bygone era.
6.All Bathrooms to be multi sex so everyone can have multiple sex
7.No Sniffer dogs or confiscation of any pills
8.DJ’s to mix from the time gates open to the time they close. It’s party over rugby
9.A side-line pool to be erected for VIP guests. 3:1 females to male ratio. No fats.
10.Footage of my first 100 test wickets to be screened over the course of the weekend.

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