Serena Williams purchases Waiheke for new fiancé

Serena Williams is in New Zealand, with her sister, Venus, for the ASB Classic this week and has enjoyed her time so much she has decided to purchase Waiheke for future holidays.

Speaking with Thai Castle after beating Frenchwoman, Pauline Parmentier, Williams was in a hurry to leave.

“I’m glad I got it over and done with quickly. I was meeting a Real Estate agent on Waiheke which I decided to purchase for my new fiance.

With a meagre USD$4.5m net worth, Alexis’ successes pale in comparison to mine and I like to make him feel a little better with the odd gift here and there. He is very excited for his present. He loves wine”.

Residents have until 12 February to ferry back to Auckland and take up residence in their city homes. David Farrier, New Zealand journalist who hates all Waiheke people indiscriminately, is reportedly devastated.

“I’ve spent the last 18 months alienating Waiheke residents ensuring they don’t come back to the mainland, but now that Williams is purchasing the island they’re all going to have to leave.

They had better not fucking move to Herne Bay”

Venus, the overshadowed little sister, is in discussion with Shania Twain to buy a piece of the South Island which Twain bought in 1999.

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