40,000 White People Attend Mt Smart Stadium For The First Time

On Saturday night Coldplay performed at Mt Smart Stadium in front of a crowd of 40,000 of Auckland’s whitest residents. The entire crowd were completely unaware they were at the home of the Warriors.

Mt Eden resident, Lyndsey Goodall, was adamant Mt Smart was not a sports stadium, “I didn’t see a field, or even a goal. This was a pop up concert venue, and I think they did a great job”.

Ryan Hoffman was in the mosh pit, and when asked by Thai Castle, finally clicked.

“Something felt familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it. Usually I see my brothers everywhere but it was a white wash. It wasn’t the hallowed grounds of the team. The heart was gone”

A representative from Red Badge, Alina Fisi’iahi reported that her team of Security personnel for the night had a strange night.

“There was much less laughter, chahooing, and 1.5L bottles of Starz.

The white people were just glued to their phones, or discussing the merits and pitfalls of Auckland Transport’s bus system for the night”

Lead Coldplay singer, Chris Martin, was also seemingly unaware about sports, as he shouted to the crowd after “Fix You”, that he was so impressed at how a “carpark can be turned into such a stunning venue every 4 years” for his shows.


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