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Martin Guptil still unable to get his New World plant to grow

In what has been a bitterly disappointing week for Martin “Two toes” Guptill, things just aren’t getting any better.

Firstly, his plan to play the most matches as an opening test batsman without troubling the scores was foiled after New Zealand cricket finally found someone who could hold a cricket bat.

However, this was not the main tragedy to occur for Guptill this week as he has become the first person in New Zealand who is unable to get their New World Little Garden to grow. It has been three weeks still and not even a sprout has sprung

Mike Hesson commented, “We are not surprised with this recent development, chances are Martin struggled to open the instruction envelope, possibly failed to open the window to allow the light to get in, and has left is keys somewhere for three weeks so still can’t open the door to get into his new garden”.

We reached out for comment and Guptill told reporters that “growing a garden can be hard, harder than opening a batting innings, sometimes. I’m just disappointed in myself and also for my family, especially my partner, Laura. I mean, Jesus, she is getting clucky and I am struggling to keep a garden alive. How will I ever be able to look after a child? Can we get a succulent?”

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1 Comment on Martin Guptil still unable to get his New World plant to grow

  1. laura mcgoldrick // November 16, 2016 at 10:13 am // Reply

    fail to open the window to allow the light to get in… fucking stick to cooking nasi goreng

    Like

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