Desperate for content and ratings, Mediaworks has announced the return of Dancing with the Stars in late 2016.
As New Zealand’s pool of celebrities has run dry, Media Works has confirmed the theme will be “Well Known Infamous Kiwis”.
“It’s going to be the Kiwis New Zealanders love to hate”, announced David Chalmers to an empty press conference, “If you’ve assaulted someone, been racist, or just generally fucked up recently, we want to hear from you”.
Mediaworks has so far confirmed five positions have been filled by the following awful people:
Losi Filipo – recently arrested for assault but and was discharged without conviction. Mutually agreed with Wellington Rugby to be released from his contract in order to pursue a dancing career.
Mr. X – entertainer who sexually assaulted a female in 2013 but has been granted permanent name suppression. Will be blurred out for the entirety of the show, and all judges will be blindfolded for his dances.
Julia Sloane – ignorant, overt racist, currently on Real Housewives of Auckland.
Nikolas Delegat – son of rich-lister Jim Delegat, and drunken Otago uni student, Delegat has promised to bring a lot of wine to the after parties.
Ryan Lochte – in an attempt for some international presence, Mediaworks have approached Ryan Lochte. Lochte denies the approach, and says if it did happen, it was at gun point and could not really be called an approach.