Stephen Kearney To Make Warriors A Pacific Paradise in 2017 – Find Out How

After Stephen Kearney was confirmed as new Warriors coach for 2017, sources close to Thai Castle has leaked information about the new strategy that the former Kiwis captain will try and incorporate.

Preseason training has already been scheduled for Tonga – an amazing coincidence seeing as Stephen Kearney’s immediate family all reside there. Vodafone has been ditched as major sponsors as they have been seen to be ‘too white’, while all players with no Polynesian heritage have had their contracts ripped up or paid out. There is also a large shipment of mini Warriors flags arriving from China to sit comfortably on the top of any minivans car window.

Warriors CEO Jim Doyle was approached for comment: “Look at our track record, Palangi coaches have given us an empty trophy cabinet. What is there to lose? We’re just going to give this full Polynesian flava a go in 2017…if it all turns to shit then well just employ another overrated coach, likely from Australia and preferably with no track record as per usual“

Polynesian coach + Polynesian players = table topping slayers

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