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LEAKED: 2017 Warriors coaching shortlist

Thai Castle have received a copy of the short list of coaches for the Warriors 2017 campaign, and bring these exclusively to our readers.

Stacey Jones – League’s golden boy hasn’t played since 2009 and is starting to get the itch again.

Currently playing Touch rugby socially on Tuesday evenings, Jones feels like he has a winning formula that the Warriors franchise needs.

“The trick is to score more points than the other team, and I just don’t know if McFadden knew this”

John Kirwan – after an unsuccessful tenure as coach of the Auckland Blues, the real JK has thrown his hat in the ring to coach the Warriors for 2017, 22 years since being a Warriors player himself.

“I may be viewed as the McFadden of the Blues campaigns, but I do my best not to get down about that.

I do a lot of cooking, these days, it’s relaxing. I know the boys need some good positive encouragement, and I think I can give that to them”

John Key – doesn’t know a heck of a lot about League, but has promised to donate his salary to charity.

“I’ve got big plans. I think we need a new logo, so that New Zealanders can connect with the brand. People are over the Tiki. This is business. Run it like a business”

Eliza McCartney – possibly New Zealand’s most celebrated sportswoman in 2016, McCartney has said she’d consider it, but only for a year.

“With the country behind me, anything seems possible now. I only need another 5cm on the vault till Japan, and I figure I can do that after ticking off some other things” said Eliza, who wouldn’t stop smiling.

Tama Iti – born circa 1952 but no one really knows when. Iti is a warrior from way back. Just not on the sports field so far. Iti has been out of prison since late 2013, and is ready to lead his people into war.
“Jones might think he has some winning formula to bring to the team , but assure you I have some incredibly powerful secret weapons put away too”
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